; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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