Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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