How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
