I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
