I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
