Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
