the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When are your genitals available?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
