Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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