Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
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