I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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