Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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