she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
