I think I died a long time ago.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
