just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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