the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
