Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
