Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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