oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
