It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
