I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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