I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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