Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
