My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
