Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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