Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
