all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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