she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
