I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
