He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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