Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
