Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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