I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
