reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
