apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
