You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
