ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
