hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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