I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
