Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
