How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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