Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
