he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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