God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
