True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
