On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
