I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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