My nipple is on Facebook.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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