We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
