there's paper in my vomit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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