I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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