also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
