And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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