oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
