She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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