my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
